What is a Friend?

As I prepare for the journey across the globe I also prepare a schedule for the time there and give my friends notice of my arrive.  I cannot fit everyone into this schedule. That is not something I have a great deal of control over because the time is limited.  However, there are some who take offense to this.  This brings me to the definition of friends.

The word friend has morphed into something new.  When one has a Twitter account or a Facebook page it seems many of these people want to have millions of followers and friends on these accounts. Are these people really friends?  I too have a Facebook page and I have figured out how this happens. One person, shall we say, an acquaintance, asks to be your friend on Facebook. I eventually cave, and let them be my friend.  It does not stop there; their friends then begin pestering you to be a friend as well. It gets worse, there are people who have nothing to do other than surf the net and click on follow or be my friend and they have no idea of who you are. If you fold there, then those people bring friends to the mix and you are suddenly connected with people that you will never meet, talk to, or have anything in common.  Is that a friend?  How about Twitter?  The goal apparently becomes the one with the most followers.  All those friends who follow you are from all over the world, and from experience, I have had people who want to follow me that I do not want in that list. You then have to block them or remove them from your list.  Lets face it people, we are not all movie stars, we are not all the president of the USA.  Grab yourself a reality check and set realistic honest goals for your followers and friends on these accounts.  Social media has redefined friends.  I choose to subscribe to the old fashioned friend definition.

You can go online and read all the descriptions of what a friend is.  Myself, I go within and find that definition.  Being a friend is personal. Having a friend is just as personal.  If both parties do not subscribe to the same definition are they friends?  I have learned that they are not.  Someone from my past had declared that I am not her friend.  I did not know that one person can decide if another person can set that person's rules for friendship.  I guess they think they can, so does it really matter?  Frankly it smacks of playground etiquette.  You cant come to my party because blah blah.  You cant play with us because blah blah.  If you are not nice to me according to my rules then I wont be your friend.  Have the power of the crowd or the power of ownership of the ball and I guess you write the rules.  Yes, this friend felt that I had been given so much from her in the past that I owed her something now. What she defined as what I owe her now was my time. I do no have the time. Thus, the friendship was withdrawn.  Maybe she needs to redefine her statement. She is not my friend (by choice), not - you are not my friend (by her rules). That is fine. We all have choices.  But we need to own them. I know this is possible. I have friends from my past who are part of my present, that  often finds us not communicating for months at a time. But when we do, we pick up and don't miss a beat; it is like there has never been a gap of silence.

Now I get to say what I think simply because this is my blog.  Friendship, like love, is personally defined and personally executed.  My personal definition for friendship, exactly like love, is that what I give and to whom I give it has no expectations of return.  I give it freely.  Let me tell you, once you become a mother you have the greatest opportunity to learn that lesson.  I cannot imagine having a child to love and to nurture and not love that child through all the hills and valleys.  Children practice their independence in many ways. During that process they do not exactly express that unconditional love very appropriately in return.  But mom will always love them, the kids know it, and that is a good thing.

So, what have I learned? Well, even when you are as long in the tooth as I am and a female as well, I will experience friendships that come, friendships that go, and friendships that weather the storm.  Like that saying some people are in your life for a season, some people are in your life for a reason I will be a friend to those who want to count me in that list and accept their terms as they are expressed.  Please accept mine as well. For the others - enjoy your journey.